Perhaps the fallout from this will improve the lives of countless cube-mates?

There's plenty of quieter switches, and even some silent ones if you're that concerned. Gateron/Cherry Reds are quiet enough for most folks, but you could spend a little extra to get a board with Zealios or Zilent switches. Keep in mind that bottoming out the key will still make a lot of noise, but with a bit of conscious practice one can learn to type without it, significantly reducing the noise any mechanical key makes.