the_dunk_tank

Yeah, I was just looking at it again and this is one of the most popular posts over there right now, just to show what I mean when I say some of the stuff there is just bizarre and confusing:

FDS is also incredibly useful for vetting women for friendships. I made the grievous mistake of overlooking a few red flags (like not calling when she said she was going to call) with a woman who I thought was becoming a close friend.

I set a boundary with her last week. She had been getting gradually less reliable so I said, “Hey, I understand that you are overwhelmed. But when I come to visit you next week I am really excited to attend a meteor shower. I don’t want my plans to hinge on yours so should I rent a car or have a backup plan?” She insisted that she wanted to join and that worst case scenario I could just borrow her car. I let her know up front that I am compassionate that she has a lot of stressors right now but I needed her to respect that this was important to me and that I would be upset if I missed this....(this is also why I am increasingly hesitant to becoming friends with women who have young children. They tend to think that a childless woman’s interests/hobbies are frivolous.)

Fast forward to me flying out of state to spend time with her and her toddler son. Her energy was bizarre from my arrival so I asked her about it and she insisted that there was nothing wrong but she had a huge fight with her sister so now her 2 year old son would be joining us for the 4 hour car ride. I was happy about it because he is delightful and I was unfazed. On Wednesday morning, I again gave her an out. “Hey, I can just drive myself if this is feeling like too much.” She insisted even though we didn’t leave until like 2 PM. On the car ride up I offered to alternate driving with her and she said she was nervous about me not being on her insurance. 🧐 we get to the lovely hotel that I paid for in full. I also paid for gas and $150 dinner for the 3 of us. The next morning she was so unpleasant to me. I wanted to say something but we had a 4 hour car drive back so I figured I would wait for a better time. She had the energy to be kind to her son but I felt like she resented me for “having” to make the trip. At first I was trying to be compassionate because I know that she has been under a lot of stress but after 2 hours of her sighing loudly and not attempting to be at all pleasant to me, I got pissed.

I was explicit with her that this was important to me, I offered her 3 different outs, I paid for her and her son to have a nice experience, I missed the meteor shower and now she is acting like a completely garbage person to me? I was supposed to stay at her home but I asked her to drop me off at a local hotel. When we arrived I said “Thank you.” Waved goodbye to her son and stomped off. I’m extra livid now thinking about how I hostessed her for 5 days at my home in California for her birthday and pulled out all the stops. I also had to spend more money on 2 nights that I planned to stay at her place. I just would NEVER in a million years treat a guest that way unless they were horrendous. This is another reason we must always have our own money.

I am done making excuses for people who think I am an emotional punching bag. Her inability to regulate her feelings was completely toxic to me. I have a soft spot in my heart for single mothers but now I want nothing to do with her and I am seriously tempted to write her a letter and block.

Other red flag behavior was that she constantly wanted to talk about dating and would ask for diet/nutrition advice and then never listen. I had to call her in for flaking on a phone call because she was on a 45 minute call with a guy she had never met from Hinge.🤮 I’m still seething from this. Please learn from my mistake. Pickmes are borderline abusive and they will use you just as badly as a LVM will.

Like, none of this even has anything to do with pickmes. This is literally just a post about her stressed single mom friend being unpleasant. But this is apparently enough for this person to literally seethe with rage, consider completely blocking her friend, and write a massive rant talking about how it is abuse and pickme behavior somehow. This is not exactly a healthy response to your friend being kind of shitty. Also apparently another thing that makes her STILL seethe with rage is that she talked with a guy she considered dating instead of calling her once? Ummm alright?

And the comments are just a bizarre circle jerk. There is one comment talking about how asking for diet advice and not taking it is a huge red flag, because it means they will never ever listen to you or stop being a pickme. That person brings up the example of a friend who asked for meal plans and exercise advice and she supposedly didn't take the advice, but she fucked up her ankle while running (which she had told her to do so I guess she did take the advice?) which... Means something? I don't fucking know. Apparently she got so mad her friend sprained her ankle that she missed her wedding. Like wtf.

It seems like most people there are either incredibly narcissistic or have some kind of bad trauma that makes them react really weird to some situations. Either way it can't be very healthy to be there.