I felt like you my whole life. All that shame, embarrassment and guilt. I literally assumed it was just because I was in fact a shitty human.

Then I read this: https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/amp/

Holy shit. What a revelation. I told my psychiatrist about this and sent him the article. He prescribed Clonidine. Clonidine is amazing! It got rid of all that shame and allowed me to realize that I do not suck, that everyone does not hate me, and that those horrible emotions were basically fictions created by my shitty brain chemistry.