But you don't understand, Mr... Sandbag Tiara, was it? Can I call you Sandbag?

Sandbag, what we're really looking for in this position is someone who's really a people person, you know? Somebody who's a team player, ready to go the extra mile, fit in with our company culture because we're a """""family""""" here. Really shine in our three pointless but mandatory department-wide meetings per day, smile on demand, have a very firm handshake, and really help us close those KPI numbers.

The job in question is a backend software dev position, where the employee will theoretically never have to interact with anyone except their immediate boss, and has no reason whatsoever to emerge from their dungeon. But never mind that.