I dunno if respect from online strangers does anything for you, but you have mine. Takes some maturity to get to the point where you are.
I am curious about how you perceive various things, since this kind of thinking is a bit foreign to me, but a public forum is likely not the best place to dive in. I am curious about what kinds of things you find satisfying, what you imagine happiness to be like, what kinds of things you desire, etc. General human condition kind of things.
I imagine that lots of people feel like you do, but we, as a society, don't understand it yet. I think if we did, we could make progress. Maybe I'm too idealistic, i dunno