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Can I get feedback on the second chapter of my story (www.wattpad.com)
submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by to c/writing@hexbear.net
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When I posted my first chapter, I got some good feedback and a lot to think about so I wanted to edit it and get some feedback on the second chapter, since it has a different tone. Here is a link to the edited first chapter. Thank you in advance.

edit: Thanks again for the feedback, I promise I won't post again until the story is done

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[–] 4 points 2 years ago (1 child)

I'd be happy to but I'm a bit worn out at the moment, and I'd need to give both chapters a read and let it stew a bit. I'll try to post some in-depth feedback tomorrow. Also trying to do another chapter of my Unmasking Autism book club in the morning.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Thank you so much. I know I posted this quickly after the first, please take you time.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 years ago* (1 child)

    Hey, I didn't forget about you lol. I have read both chapters but I am still way too burned out for a proper analysis at the moment. My freeze-gamer brain wants me to draw comparisons to other media like an IGN reviewer so here goes

    I get some good Star Wars and Mass Effect vibes from the setting, but the way the characters interact reminds me mostly of the Wayfarers series by Becky Chambers. You do a lot to lay out social conventions and economic realities, maybe a bit too detailed and getting sidetracked with it sometimes, but it's a hard line to toe and you do a good job. I like Cat but I wonder why she has internalized this belief system so thoroughly in just a few years, and wonder at the people who volunteer to help her, and think she might be being taken for a ride. I don't know how illegal the stuff her smuggler friend wants her to move is, but the thing is, neither does Cat.

    So I feel there's mystery here and Cat's naivete being purposeful and showing room to grow. I feel like diving into her new religion is her way of coping with the nightmare she found herself thrust into, far away from everyone and knowing nothing about anything, then awakening to a kind community who heard her say "I need to find my way in the universe (literally)" and they were like "it's funny you should say that." Pretty big coincidence.

    I like it. I'll have to give more in-depth notes at a later time, but I've followed you on Wattpad and I'll keep an eye on your stories.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

    I'm glad to hear that you like it! This is strongly inspired by Star Wars, so I'm glad it's got good vibes and not ripoff vibes lol.

    You do a lot to lay out social conventions and economic realities, maybe a bit too detailed and getting sidetracked with it sometimes, but it's a hard line to toe and you do a good job.

    Yeah, honestly this is after a bunch of editing too. I'm glad to hear that I did a good job though. I was trying to do a lot of world building because I was thinking of making it a starfinder campaign before I settled on a novel. I have a "supplemental materials" story on wattpad that's unpublished with all the details I've taken out lol.

    I like Cat but I wonder why she has internalized this belief system so thoroughly in just a few years, and wonder at the people who volunteer to help her, and think she might be being taken for a ride. I don't know how illegal the stuff her smuggler friend wants her to move is, but the thing is, neither does Cat.

    So I feel there's mystery here and Cat's naivete being purposeful and showing room to grow. I feel like diving into her new religion is her way of coping with the nightmare she found herself thrust into, far away from everyone and knowing nothing about anything, then awakening to a kind community who heard her say "I need to find my way in the universe (literally)" and they were like "it's funny you should say that." Pretty big coincidence.

    no spoilers, but your head is in the right place

    Thank you again for your feedback

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