I can say this sounds like me. I'm not in continual withdrawal for cigarettes. I remember smoking when having a drink and those were good times. I remember smoking on road trips and it was a good time. Smoking with coffee, same. Bad things happen? Walk away to gather myself by having a smoke. Not a good time, but definitely part of coping.

I loved smoking. If it weren't for the terrible health shit I'd recommend it to everyone.

I quit and am not looking back. But I still feel the call.