"You realize that the Crystal Pepsi in front of you is at least 5 years old. Why are they subjecting me to a plastic bottle of very expired shitty Pepsi? Come to think of it, none of these two liters of soda are even chilled. Luke warm Dew, wtf. And now that you're looking at what's before you, who actually rents the preview collection tapes from Blockbuster!? Only people who never actually lived in the present day of 1999. These are the Nostalgia Time Pirates for which I've been warned."

But it’s 2026, Monday night, I’m sleeping over at my own house and slept poorly last night. I don’t have snacks, I have one can of ginger beer and bottle of Jameson. I don’t own smash bros.

I think I would have tried calling home anyway. If this place truly didn’t have an accessible phone, I’d try the immediate neighbors, if we weren’t rural. If we were, well, survival horror time I guess, time to find the friend.