Me: Alright brain, let’s sleep now.
Brain: What about a highlight reel of embarrassing things until the wee hours?

my bad thoughts are making good sleep impossible

“Alright, self, time to lay down before you conk out. But first, a six hour reel of times women were throwing themselves at you, and you didn’t realize it until years later: a heartbreak extravaganza on repeat. Please cringe until six in the morning, thanks.”