Most of my life I had quite difficult "relationship" with porn. Mostly due to religion I would say, before I changed myself a lot and became an atheist.

I tried to quit and to never look at porn ever again multiple times. But after a while, I always relapsed.

As time went on, and I began a relationship with my amazing partner, I accepted, that I am quite a "sexual person."

Honestly, I enjoy looking at other people naked bodies. The shapes, colors, curves, it is so interesting to me and so pleasing to my eyes.

And with that, I have quite a big libido, so I enjoy looking at the acts, but mainly, I love to see other people enjoy their sexuality and their bodies in consensual and healthy way.

I find it all to be so beautiful and interesting, so I would be happy to communicate with others about it.

Comically, my partner found joy in creating porn or rather sexual content and give it some time, I would like to start as well, when I will feel more comfortable in my skin.

I mean, no, not really, as regards your title.

The problem with porn is that it has become so prevalent and so filled with various extreme options that I hesitate to even discuss it online. The more a person is into porn, the more likely they are to have escalated their intake and chased those extremes. There's just no conversation around that, that is remotely possible to bond over.

Now, I'm not saying there's anything inherently bad about porn as a thing in itself. Like you asked for, it is possible for porn to be ethical (though I'll be damned if I'm spending the time it would take to find ethical porn and vet it, just being real). Gods know I made use of porn in various forms back in the day. Even have a few magazines and VHS tapes in the attic iirc.

But it's when porn becomes a hobby that I nope the fuck out. Like, I've known men and women that could rattle off porn actors stats and give critiques of performances off the top of their heads. I don't enjoy that kind of obsession with much of anything, even my own hobbies; but porn? Nah, that's just beyond anything I would want to talk about with anyone.

Now, the rest of your post is great! It seems like you have found comfort in your sexuality, and that's a beautiful thing. No bullshit, I'm happy to see someone that's grooving on their own sexuality like that. I wish everyone could find that.

And, that kind of conversation is cool, imo. It's only by communication that we can learn.

For my part, I'm hitting the middle of middle age, so my sense of sexuality is less visceral and more of a slow burn. The joke is that I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was lol. I'm glad the old hectic sex drive is winding down so I can spend more time really enjoying sex and sexuality instead of just being pushed by my own body towards orgasm as the main goal. I'd rather spend all day making out with my wife, just building up to eventual sex, then take our time and really experience it fully in every moment.

I don't wake up humping things like I did in my younger days, and gods is that a relief. Well, I don't as often, is what I mean, really. It has become a rare thing. Just ten years ago, when we were newlyweds still, it was not so rare for me or my wife to wake the other up with a bit of sleep grinding lol. Fun times, but not so fun when I was single.

If I wake up horny now, I'll see if my wife is up for it. If she's not, then I prefer to let the feeling simmer until we're both ready. We have that agreement, where we can always wake the other up for/with sex, with the understanding that the response might be a no and that's okay. Pretty rare for it to be no tbh, for either of us.

I also think you're right about the only reliably ethical porn being self generated and shared freely. Once there's money in the mix, it turns into work, and while I have nothing but respect for sex workers, I have no way to be certain that any given piece of porn is fully consensual, with no exploitation, if it isn't the person/people doing it for their own joy. Even that's not really 100% certain, but it's good enough.

Not that I reach for porn any more. Maybe fifteen, twenty years ago, I realized that the best solo sex I had was back when fantasy was all I had access to. It helps that I have a very vivid ability to visualize things, but still.

I ran across a porn clip earlier on lemmy. It was some woman riding a guy while another woman stood there with her tongue out kind of halfway pretending to lick the breast of the riding woman as she bounced.

It was just so fake and empty and a turn off. Like, why would I want to masturbate after seeing something like that? And most porn is pretty similar. It's so empty and devoid of real, human passion.

Anyway, that's my ramblings on the subject.

No, and people come off as pretty weird when porn is such a significant part of their life and so frequently on their mind that it's their chosen pastime and conversation topic. It suggests an imbalance in how much porn is a part of one's life, when it's totally fine for it to play a large role, but not so large that you feel a strong urge to bring it up even when it makes most people uncomfortable.

I would never shame someone for consuming (large amounts of) porn, but if someone thinks about it so much that they are frequently bringing it up in average settings even though it makes many people uncomfortable, that's honestly pretty rude. And if someone knows that's the case and still feels a strong urge to do so, I think that demonstrates an issue with how and how much they are thinking about it.

If you find someone or some online community that intentionally welcomes that, lean into it and enjoy. Outside of that, exposing others to conversation they'd rather not have is not cool, likely to put distance between you, and pretty selfish. If you can't resist, that's a whole other issue.

Have you tried easing into the topic with close friends? For example, by talking about the ethics of porn. That's how it started to be a topic with my friends. We dont really talk detail, but we discuss what techniques work and recommend toys, for example.

My fav ethical site is ersties btw.

Yes. I like to chat with other guys or girls and swap pics while I jerk off