If you're never having it and you want to be, that sucks. I found myself in that position years ago. I was pushing 300 pounds, unhappy, etc... It was a series of events and actions that helped me work through the issues, but the big two for me were psychedelics and a keto diet. (ADHD meds also made a big impact and I've seen signs that a gentle anti-depressant could maybe be a really helpful cherry on top for me, but it's still pretty new.)

I have no idea if that's relevant to you--your situation may be totally different. But if yours happens to be similar, I would just say to you that it's 1.) really, truly possible, 2.) it's really hard, and you might backslide some before it clicks, and 3.) it's totally worth the painful effort.