this post was submitted on 17 Jan 2024
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the fuckgraph (mander.xyz)
submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
104 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/245634594_Chains_of_Affection_The_Structure_of_Adolescent_Romantic_and_Sexual_Networks1

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (3 children)

You think?

I think people feel liberated to say they're gay these days, so there are much more people claiming to be gay than in previous decades. On the other hand, there's still a lot of homophobes and also quite some biphobes around, so there's probably a lot of bi people that present as hetero or even gay.

I'd assume that most people are at least a little bi, and that they'll try that out in high school even if they later decide they won't pursue it.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Not long ago I saw a woman's profile on tinder in NYC that said "No bi men". I guess it's good that she put her phobia right out front like that.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

I’m a 90s kid, with a stepsister the same age (who grew up in a Massachusetts college town, at that). When I was in college, I dropped my then boyfriend’s ex’s name in a conversation with my dad and stepsister (he was out already and didn’t make a secret of anything, he was cool with it, I swear). My stepsister asked all shocked if I knew he was bi when we started dating and then explained that she’d never date a bi guy, because she could never “be sure”. My dad made a boomery joke and said something noncommittally biphobic.

I’m so grateful I had that conversation before I came out to my family. I’m bi and an afab egg. I just married a bi man, and I told him pretty early on that I don’t know what the situation with my gender is yet. His response was “that’s why we date bi people, we like all the situations,” which had never occurred to me (sometimes I’m dumb), but it was a perfect level of humor and acceptance for the moment.

I’m sorry, this was a super long and mostly irrelevant comment. I intended to agree that biphobia is present in the people and places you’d least expect, even when straight up homophobia isn’t (stepsister was a member of the gsa and loved pride parades)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

afab egg

I know what both of these words mean separately, but together I'm lost. Was egg a typo?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

I’m like 90% sure I’m a trans dude, but I’m not quite there yet (I’m immigrating and in grad school and just don’t have the time or security rn to do a deep self analysis, plus I think I’d be a much less attractive man. I know that’s less important for men, but it feels like I’d be shooting myself in the foot. Also, my husband loves how I smell and taking hormones might change it to something he didn’t like as much, which I would hate). Therefore, I haven’t hatched yet.

Egg just basically means “pre-trans”

https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/c/egg_irl

/c/egg_irl for examples

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

He is not saying anything about it being weird there are gay or bisexual relationships. Just that every instance of a homosexual relationship is also bisexual.

Like its interesting there are no purely homosexual relationships as you would expect from an accurate sampling

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

You misunderstood:

  • I didn't imply that he is homophobic or biphobic
  • I think it's possible that this is a more accurate sampling, as I think that bi people are underrepresented in common statistics.
[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That's why this was interesting to me. I myself am bi and that has not been my experience. Most gay men I encounter are fully gay, and I've only ever met 2 other bi people in my life.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Are they fully gay, or did they embrace the acceptance of a biphobic culture by leaning into their gay side?

I'm not devaluing their choices, I'm just saying that people sometimes shut doors out of choice, not because there's no world in which they'd take them.