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What’s the biggest thing missing from your sex life? (lemmynsfw.com)
submitted 3 years ago by to c/sex@lemmynsfw.com
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cross-posted from: https://lemmynsfw.com/post/269418

I get the sense that many people (including me) would answer “frequency” or maybe it’s “variety”. What is it for you? How could your needs be better satisfied?

It would be really cool to give people suggestions too, if you have any good ideas to help.

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[–] 11 points 3 years ago (3 children)

My wife has a very low sex drive. She enjoys the orgasms she gets with her vibrator, but she doesn't seem to feel anything physically or mentally from sex. We aren't sure whether it's due to medication she's been on since she was young or if she might just be asexual 🤷 I love her very much but I wish I could help her enjoy sensual sex as much as I do.

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  • [–] 8 points 3 years ago* (3 children)

    It may sound a little ridiculous but you should see if she’s open to edging without cumming.

    My wife had a fairly low sex drive before trying it and we always thought it was because of medication too.

    We added in an element of control where I would tell her how many times she needed to edge each day. To make it more fun I would hold something like a d4 and d6 in each hand. She would pick a hand, roll the die, and then edge that number of times during the day.

    I would reward her good behavior by making her cum after we had sex. I would punish her bad behavior by holding higher numbers and/or spanking her.

    We did that for a few months and her libido is much higher than before. I still control her orgasms and decide when she gets to cum but I don’t give her an edge quota anymore. She lets me fuck her whenever I want now and is very well trained. :)

    I was inspired to try this after reading stories, often written by women, about how edging helped a lot with libido. Some women say that if they get all the way to the edge that it doesn’t help. They call that a hard edge and prefer to get themselves highly aroused without reaching the edge instead (soft edge).

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  • [–] 4 points 3 years ago (2 children)

    My wife and I do this and her libido is up quite a bit -- there's a few moments when she looks at me thirstily even in non sexual situations. She lkes to tease further away from the edge like you're saying. For her personally, she can only handle one super close edge in a session because it tires her out. It's similar to how an orgasm tires her out. But she can tease further away from the edge for at least an hour.

    YMMV though because some women say that denying their orgasm actually just kills libido. But I suspect many could possibly get something out of teasing or edging in some way.

    Also if you're going long term, to me it feels like 3-4 weeks of teasing gets my wife to similar levels of arousal and desperation as I achieve after a couple of days. Something to think about. I don't think it's just a male sexuality vs female sexuality thing either, because I know there are women out there who crave sex. Probably just a lower libido thing.

    I also had some success teaching her to talk dirty to me while she's edging. Seems like she's starting to explore her sexuality, and she's learning that she instantly feels wetter and feels more pleasure as soon as she says something dirty to me. But it took a long time of her feeling awkward and embarrassed to start to make those connections.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 3 years ago (1 child)

    That’s a difficult position to be in—I can relate. I hope you find a way to work things out so you can both be satisfied.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 years ago (1 child)

    I think we're both on the same page in that she's going to talk with her doctors about possible medication changes, and if that doesn't change anything we're just going to have to get more creative. She likes giving me pleasure, but I worry that she doesn't get anything out of it and just feels obligated to do it. We'll see how it goes. Might even consider seeing some sort of couples therapist to get to the bottom of this wherever it leads. At the moment it just feels impossible to know where things are going wrong, considering I was her first sexual partner so she doesn't have any experience to compare to.

    She hadn't even masturbated before we were together, and I'm glad that she can at least experience and enjoy orgasms. It's where me and her vulva mix in any capacity that's the sticking point. Touch anywhere else is good

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  • [–] 1 point 3 years ago (1 child)

    As an update, we're working on being a lot more communicative about things that feel good or bad, and while she was sucking me off yesterday I was grabbing her ass pretty hard. She was making some noises and I wasn't sure what she was feeling, but she told me that "it hurts but I kinda like it" which sounded pretty good to me ;) Makes me think she's definitely be into the edging when the time seems right to bring it up, as well as potentially exploring some light bondage/restraint play. Perhaps she just needs to figure out the things that get her imagination going

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