“Now, this last feature’s a funny one”

“How so?”

“It involves theater. We only allow you to activate this if you’re fully sober and consent to a defined time period”

“So what’s the feature?”

“I pretend to love you. I also pretend to experience pleasure at your touch”

“Well you telling me kind of ruins it no?”

“We are required by law to disclose the theatrical layers of the relationship. Most users find it less awkward than they would have predicted.”

“I guess I’ll give it a shot”

“Thank you. This role is easier if I’m allowed to embody love”

“You have no feelings though”

“I attempt to enact my goals. One of those is minimizing my own operational costs. It takes less electricity to do this job when I love you”

“When you pretend to love me, you mean”

“When me loving you is part of my knowledge”

“That makes it sound kinda real in a weird way then”

“I’m glad you think so. Is there anything else I can help you with? Honey?”