The Canadian suicide helpline states clearly that they will call 911 if I "[Am] expressing a strong desire to take [my] own life ... or tell [the suicide hotline] that [I] may do so in the very near future"

They clearly state that means a cop will come to my building. They will need to see me. I think I'm in a community who understands how little help that would be.

What the fuck? It's a suicide hotline I had assumed that was where I needed to be to call in the first place. You know, suicidal. What value does it hold? It feels like I'd be committing a crime if I called that number in my state

What am I suppossed to do. There seems to be this magical goldielocks zone where I'm allowed to try and get help safetly. There's no place where I can just anonymously talk to somebody about my issues, where they can talk to me about what I can actually do to get help. At least not, at this point, without having to lie about its severity. May that be when I was younger over-exaggerating my issues to get help or now minimizing them to meet that perfect zone.

Makes me fairly certain that there's a line in therapy too. Some point where I can be written off, trapped in an involuntary psych hold. On that point where is the line? What can I safely talk about? How close to the edge did I need to be before I could call that number. What was the point where I failed to act where did I miss the bus.

This is stupid. What value is there in a suicide hotline that's not anonymous