I'm really sorry to hear that. I find the unity of being a pretty obvious, fundamental, and directly observable truth. Being a good part of this greater whole is my core motivation. When people say 'touch grass' they're (unfortunately often derisively) reminding you to ground yourself in that shared reality. In a zero sum game where everyone possesses their own suffering and competes to experience the least what you're saying makes sense, but I refuse to live that way. It's all our suffering, experienced collectively, and the collapse of one small spark of self inevitably leaves the burden of that experience on the shoulders of the living when it's gone. I think a lot of systemic effort goes into isolating and atomizing us. We're a lot easier to manipulate when we feel isolated and alone. There's not much more I can do to convince you of it through a screen, but that's the message I hope to convey here. Not "suicide is wrong", but "we're all in this together".