My ex and I were together for around 1.5 years in an LDR. He had tried to break up with me around 4 times before, but I would plead with him and he would come back, tell me he loved me, and talk about our future and marriage.

This September, he came to meet me, and that's when I found out he had been using a dating app, swiping on women, sexting at least one woman, and sharing his WhatsApp, Telegram and Instagram with girls. He said there was no physical connection, but I still consider it cheating.

He also told me that his family was his responsibility while I was a choice, and that he could change his choice but couldn't leave his responsibility.

What confuses me is that before all this, he was still talking about our future and marriage and acting committed. Now I'm trying to understand what actually happened and how much of the relationship had already changed from his side.

I also pushed away a close friend becnause my ex had issues with him. I became distant, blocked him and eventually ghosted him because I was so focused on my relationship. After the breakup, I finally reached out to that friend, but he saw my messages and didn't reply.

Now I feel like I lost a genuine friend because I gave so much of myself to a relationship that ended anyway. Most people don't know about the cheating, so they probably think we simply broke up because we were incompatible and I was too dependent.

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[–] 2 points 23 hours ago* (1 child)

To a certain extent here, I am assuming he was honestly trying. There's always the chance he really is just an asshole who was being manipulative.

All I can say is that when people get stressed out they start doing mean things to each other. I have to think some of these things are things he did not to be mean, but because he didn't know healthy ways to end things or get space, so he was unkind instead.

I don't really know the whole story here, I am making some guesses based on my own history, my own relationship mistakes. I can never truly have the right answer here. If I'm lucky, some of the things I say may help you figure out that it's possible to care about someone and still not have it work out, just because everyone is still learning.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 22 hours ago

    Thank you for being honest with me and sharing your perspective. I understand that you don't know the whole story, and I appreciate you trying to help me see things differently. I know it's possible to care about someone and still be incompatible, and I can accept that we both made mistakes. I think what hurts me most is the cheating and how suddenly his words changed. I keep wondering how someone who was talking about fighting for our future minutes earlier could turn around and treat me that way. I'm trying to understand things without blaming myself for everything, and your replies have genuinely helped me reflect on that.

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