The Dark Eye (in general)

• You want a fantasy world with wizards, demons, and gods
• You want all of those to be strictly above your character's pay grade
• You regularly buy the publisher's fake in-world newspaper to keep up with the events of a decades-long play-by-mail campaign that defines the hyper-detailed canon lore for part of the game world
• You have opinions on this play-by-mail campaign despite never even having met any of its players

The Dark Eye (3rd edition)

• You like randomness and yoloing your way through character creation, concept be damned. You play video games on ironman mode and think failing spectacularly is hilarious
• Alternatively you like starting over and over until your stats allow you to pick your preferred character class. You obsessively save-scum in every video game
• You're definitely German

The Dark Eye (4th edition)

• You play EVE Online but think it could do with more bookkeeping
• Excel is your favorite piece of software
• You think the correct amount of complexity in a game is "more"
• You always wanted to play GURPS but none of your friends want to
• You've yet to finish character creation but don't want to start over just because a new edition has come out

The Dark Eye (5th edition)

• You just want to play a game, not get a degree in accounting
• You hate Excel
• You want a moderate amount of crunch but aren't sure how to define "moderate"
• You always wanted to play a World of Darkness game but none of your friends want to

The bullet points are supposed to describe the players not the game.