At the risk of seeming ridiculous, let me say that the true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love. It is impossible to think of a genuine revolutionary lacking this quality.

-- Che Guevara

I mean, the necessity for violence is a purely structural issue that will have different qualities in different contexts. Its really important to have a concrete basis for revolutionary change, and my ignorance will lead to some speculation and back of the napkin googling. So please have some patience and take this as examples not as concrete basis for action.

Like, in the Netherlands, you live in a social democracy, 16% trade union membership. Based on the level of organization of the workers and relative social safety of your working class, the particular quality of resistance will more likely take the form of strikes,worker organization and demands than "Molotovs". You were turned into a leftist by your own experiences, you are a reflection of your environment. Revolution isn't a bloody coup but a transformation of social relations of production.

On the other hand, the Netherlands is the beneficiary of economic partnerships with South Africa which defeated legitimate apartheid but still bears the hallmarks of severe racial exploitation. As long as your social democracy exists as a function of neo colonial exploitation, as social democracies most often do, socialist transformation of your country is impossible. Likely, violent militant and nonviolent political resistance will be necessary in South Africa, and as closely combined as the two economies are, the working class of the Netherlands will have to function as part of the global working class, in solidarity with workers who are most heavily exploited, in order to achieve that transformation.

This is a question of worker consciousness, which is 1:1 with the question of vanguard/worker leadership. When discussing consciousness, we have to think about it as a structural phenomenon rather than a set of personal opinions, as it is often framed.

I catch shit from more politically and militant minded comrades all the time, because my approach is largely pedagogical. I think that self-development, which is itself a form of revolutionary change, can be uncomfortable. It often does not mean finding a group that tells you that all your opinions are valid, it does not mean being part of a collective that you never criticize and who never criticizes you. What gives us optimism and the feeling of accomplishment is engaging directly in the work of class struggle. If you're engaging mostly with memes and takes, then you're probably prioritizing the wrong groups. In my own practical work, most of my heavy book and theory study gets consumed by reading dozens of long political position, tactics and strategy papers per month, and long form responding to them, discussing, and disseminating the highlights. I still like memes and takes for entertainment value, but I also know a lot of comrades who kinda hate that shit and discourage it over practical discussion and engagement.

So from my perspective, I think many of your attitudes bear the hallmarks of leftism and practical mindedness. You might have to mix up your routine somewhat and take on some more IRL organizing work to feel a sense of connection to the struggle, and doing so might be just what you need to feel more connected to revolutionary transformation of society.