• Do your friends really like you, or are they just being nice out of pity?

• Did you leave the stove on?

• Really, did you leave it on?

• Hey, so this climate change thing looks pretty scary, huh? Probably not a good thing to leave your progeny to suffer through.

• On an unrelated note, when was your last period again?

• Fuck, now you’re gonna have to go to the drug store, pick up some tests and holy shit what are the abortion cutoffs in your state, again?

• What if you have to find an in-network provider for an appointment, call them, and face the possibility that they’re not taking new patients?

• Oh, that’s an itchy scalp, isn’t it? Better spend the next 30 minutes recording a zoomed in video as you look through each hair section and check for lice.

• Can humans get fleas?

• What if you have to fumigate? You can’t afford that.

• Your car’s sounding weird, don’t you think? What if it just had a catastrophic malfunction on the highway and you die in a horrific crash?

• I mean, at least then you won’t have to worry about the appointments, might be a relief.