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Best way to move on from your ex-partner? (self.mentalhealth)
submitted 1 day ago by to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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They didn’t give me that much affection, but I still miss said affection and good times. I know we’re still young, but I’ve been really upset in the relationship. From their point of view, I feel like I was a mean person who did them wrong and just abandoned them when I was closest to them, and I understand if they hate me now and talk behind my back and all their friends hate me.

They told me some weird things like that I couldn’t be aromantic because I was too young (said person also identifies as aromantic despite being a year younger than me) and that I’m just autistic so I don’t understand love.

They’ve been insensitive and laughed when I was upset and kept saying “LOL LOL” or similar stuff.

I do feel bad, but they wouldn’t listen when I wanted to break up. They’d convince me to stay, get mad at me, and act like it was my fault or try to make me feel bad for wanting to break up.

We’ve been friends since I was in like 7th grade, so this really does suck. They always seemed like they were this very progressive human rights activist too, but when it comes to me, I’m a confused girl…

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[–] 6 points 1 day ago (1 child)

I don’t have great advice, it isn’t even really mental health advice, but maybe it helps a little.

I think it’s perfectly okay that a relationship can end when it completes its natural course, but that’s still always difficult.

People always have a lot of room to grow, so hopefully both of you learned about yourselves and your wants and needs. Sometimes our idea of ourselves doesn’t match our actions, like your ex’s not being the humanitarian you both thought. Hopefully in time they can see that and improve.

One thing that’s important I think is to try and remember the relationship as a whole, the good and the bad, what did you feel, what did you learn. I don’t think you ever get “over” a relationship, your feelings change over time, but it still holds meaning for you. You have to find the balance between mourning what was and moving forward with life though.

Don’t rush trying to get over your ex, don’t try and move on to another relationship or something just to get back in to it. Don’t rush out try to fill that affection hole that’s been left either — even awful people can give affection, so don’t let it be a blind spot.

After the big relationships in my life ended I tried dating again, a lot. I didn’t realize until I hit a low point that I was dating just to date and replace the relationship and fill that gap. I thought I was just looking for the one, it was good intentions, but inside I wasn’t balanced. At one point I swore off dating and decided I wanted to be with me for a bit, which ultimately was good for me and my confidence, and that led to me meeting my wife.

We’ve been together for almost 15 years now and I’m still learning about myself and relationships, and how to be a team, and what I want. Every year I learn more. Never stop growing or trying to learn about yourself. Rushing keys you mask over doing that.

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