Well, for as long as I can remember old people have always gathered at the local park and fed ducks little pieces of bread. These people are in their 80s and 90s. They just go to the park. And feed ducks.

Ducks are around your whole life. Yet somehow in your 80s and 90s, suddenly ducks seem ever increasingly important to feed at the local park.

Why?

What madness is this, where an animal can exist, and go mostly ignored your whole life, then in the last 20 years of your life they become a priority to feed? See? This doesn't make sense. It's not a generational thing either. It's starting to become the boomers turn, but before that, it was the generation before them feeding the ducks. And I assume in 30 years it'll be Gen X's turn. And in 40 years it'll be my generation's turn.

We all live our lives. We laugh, we cry, we overcome, we work, we play. Yet ducks are never an important part of our lives. We know ducks exist. We know where the ducks are. We know they want little pieces of ripped up bread. But no one younger than 80 has ever said "I'm going to go feed ducks"

Do you see how this doesn't add up? It's consistent across time and generations. The ducks get fed. But I can't follow the logic. That's where you come in. Now that you have some free time, I'd like you to go undercover and dress up as an old person. Then go to the park, interact with other fellow old people. Talk to the ducks. Ask them what their game is. Do basic intel gathering. We're going to spy on the ducks until we learn how they managed to figure out mind control. Then we're going to use it on stupid people to hand over all of their paychecks to other dark sciences. Eventually we'll have enough mental slaves to donate their entire pay to fund our super computer. We'll then use this computer to send signals into the airspace that everyone should start buying POGs again. Pogs are so easy to make! It's just condensed paper. Almost cardboard. In fact some of the cheaper ones WERE cardboard.

Once we have all the people buying POGs, we can finally get underway with our master plan! That's right! We're going to host a POG TOURNAMENT!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Finally I can know what it's like to be in a POG tournament!!! Ever since my mom refused to take me to the Midway Mall 1995 Pog Tournament! She said "We'll go next year..." WELL BY 1996 THE POG CRAZE WAS OVER!!!! I NEVER GOT TO COMPETE AT POGS!!!!

Or.....ya know.......you could check out porn online. That exists.