Bosses are dumb. Use that to score extra vacation. Don't rock the fucking boat.

No, no. It’s absolutely true.

Scientists have known for years that the Earth’s gravitational field is remarkably stable, except when I fart.

At precisely 8:47 PM, I unleashed a fart of such extraordinary magnitude that NASA immediately detected a gravitational anomaly.

For exactly seven seconds, gravity simply gave up.

Cars floated. Birds were suddenly extremely confused. Somewhere in Ohio, a man watched his refrigerator slowly drift toward the ceiling.

NASA scrambled to identify the source.

“Where is this coming from?”

The technician checked the instruments.

“Sir… Georgia.”

A long silence followed.

“Dear God.”

At exactly seven seconds, gravity returned.

Scientists are now studying the event.

I have been asked not to fart again.

I have declined to comment.

If the result is I'm staying home for the day I'm happy to spread it along.

I do oft wonder about the Dzhanibekov effect, and what the inertial effects (direction/strength/duration/curves/etc) would be like at each location on the spinning object, and if Earth's Large Low-Velocity Provinces (LLVPs) or Large Low Shear Velocity Provinces are sufficient tributary oscillation to trigger a flip as some interpretations of the evidence suggest has happened to earth before (most recent suggestion I heard, this may have happened 700,000 years ago, iirc ~ or was it 700 million... I forget), ... and in that moment, would there be locations that experience an effective loss of local gravity for seconds?

If such is going to happen (or just a magnetic flip, or a corona mass ejection, or a X100 flare, or a meteor bombardment, a rogue planet flyby perturbing orbits, or whatever other calamitous disruption to the pleasant habitability of Earth), to be safe, I think I'd rather have a spaceship to fly away instantly in, than stay home. (I guess humans should not have been industrially sabotaging and suppressing that arc of human made technological innovation for a century or two.)