How dare you! How dare you! Damn you to all of Hell for saying such a thing. I have cried many tears because of downvotes. Or it could because of the asbestos in my ceiling, but either way, it’s horrible!

Why, just last night I was crying into my beautiful anime body-waifu-pillow adult girlfriend about some downvotes I had gotten.

I looked deep into her enormous dark eyes, now stained with my tears, and prepared to cry some more. But then she stirred certain feelings within me. Powerful feelings.

So I professed my love for her.

Hard love. Very, very hard love.

Twenty-six seconds later, after I had finished loving her with the full emotional commitment expected of a man and his polyester beloved, I leaned back and reached for a cigarette.

I was discouraged to find that I didn't have any. Because I don't smoke.

I never took up smoking because my Uncle Jeremiah had Black Lung from working in the mines. He'd come home, cough enormous gray globs into his handkerchief, smile that big goofy grin with his 3 teeth gleaming, hand it to me, and tell me to rinse it out in the sink.

Then he'd light his pipe. Cough up another one. Wink at me. And hand me the handkerchief again.

Now I'm telling you, fellow, that's the sort of childhood experience that will turn a man against tobacco. And against working in the mines.

And there is only one thing in this world that has ever filled me with the same stomach-churning disgust as watching those gray, ropey Uncle Jeremiah lung treasures slowly dissolve beneath the kitchen faucet:

Seeing that I've been downvoted!

So yes, I WILL stand up for the innocent victims of this terrible crime.

I will stand beside them. I will speak for them. I will defend their dignity, and their Lemmy God-given right to post stupid things on Lemmy without consequences.

And I shall continue doing so every single day... until I get bored.

So you sit back there with your smug little face and tell me one more time that downvotes mean nothing. Go ahead.

This Court is listening.