I don’t care what people are “supposed” to do. I’m almost allergic to people telling me “that’s not what you do”.

This is a good working definition of a sociopath.

I don't care what you would do. Good for you however you would handle it etc etc.

Because that’s what first dates are often for, you befriend someone and see if you want to spend more time together.

Yes, and a date is different from just meeting someone who could be a friend, you're meeting someone with the intention of developing a romantic relationship.

I don’t care what people are “supposed” to do. I’m almost allergic to people telling me “that’s not what you do”.

Maybe a language barrier? Let me rephrase it for you: Bringing with a third party is not something people in general do since it's not part of societal etiquette of dating. And, as we all know, we live in a society and can't center the reality on ourselves.

I’m me, she is she and if that guy wants to date her he should date her and not some abstract societal expectation.

I don't understand what you mean. But the person obviously showed up for a date, expecting the one they intended to meet but meeting two people instead. How can you not understand how the person in question might feel about this?

Ok so you had a bad first date, call big whoop magazine and see if it gets published…

You okay there?

what's any of this got to do with trump??

Oh I wonder, maybe the constant infantilization/victimization of literally any and everyone that isn't a white male? Or have you just been living under a rock?

Your therapist sounds like they're giving you bad advice, or you're misinterpreting it.

As someone who is also in therapy, your practitioner does not seem to be worth the money, pardon my saying.

As for how you "read", which i assume means what gender you appear to be on the internet, i have no idea. I mostly get unhinged vibes from you.

Well I'm not on board with the passive aggressive stuff.

Again though, the problem is one of romantic consent. It's no where near as serious as violating sexual consent, but people have a right to consent or not consent to participate in romantic settings. For example, it would be a violation of romantic consent if I told you you were attending a job interview and you show up and it's actually a date. That would be a rude and creepy thing to do. People have a right to know what kind of romantic situations they are getting into in advance.

She violated his romantic consent by turning a private date into a gathering. And the basic rules of consent apply.

Maybe she wanted someone to check the vibes with her first? Maybe she just thought it would be fun and didn’t know that “you aren’t supposed to do that”?

Imagine someone said, "I know she didn't want it, but I just thought it would fun to have sex with her without her consent! I certainly had fun! I didn't know you weren't supposed to do that teehee! # so random!"

Violation of romantic consent is nowhere as serious as rape. But it is still a violation. It's not a felony. But it is extremely rude and disrespectful. Violating romantic consent doesn't make you a criminal, but it does make you a bad person.

It's about basic respect and empathy. For the record, I'm a woman married to a cis het guy.

That’s the offense??? That the guy’s idea of the ideal first date wasn’t shared by the other party?? What about how she wanted to spend that date? Does that not matter?? And that is what’s supposed to warrant passive aggressive bullying??? Oh no she “wasted” his time what about her time? That’s not as important or?

You're confusing general freedom with a very specific social situation that comes with certain social obligations. You can do whatever you want. It's a free country. No one has to go on a date with anyone. No one has to sleep with anyone. You can have whatever type of date you want.

What you cannot do is pull a bait-and-switch on someone. If you agree to a date with someone, there are certain social obligations that come with that. Things like showing up on time, showing up presentable, showing up sober, and being prepared to offer your full attention to your date. It's like agreeing to come to a wedding and then showing up in a speedo. Sure, it's a free country, but there are certain obligations that come with certain social situations. And you're rude or an asshole if you violate these social agreements.

This isn't something required by law. It is required by the laws of politeness. You're asking another human being to take time out of their busy life. They're going to have to find the time and get ready for the date. You're not obligated to sleep with a date, of course not. But you are at least obligated to give it a shot and see if you hit it off with this other person. You owe them an honest try at it. If it turns out you hate his guts or he does something rude, and you leave after five minutes? That's fine. You gave him a shot and he turned out to be a creep.

A date has a specific definition. Two adults are in the pre/potential relationship phase. And a date is where you first meet to see if there is chemistry between you to. It requires both people to give their full attention to it. If you're not willing to do that, or you would like some other type of date, that's fine. If you're not willing to give the other person a fair shot, then you should cancel the date entirely.

This is a basic problem of consent. Not sexual consent, but romantic consent. Obviously violating romantic consent is no where as serious as violating sexual consent, but it's still a violation of consent. Someone agrees to a date under certain conditions, and you try and completely change things at the last minute. It's the romantic equivalent of stealthing.

(Note: please do not act like a toddler and pretend I claimed that this was as bad as rape. Those are not my words, do not make a bad-faith attempt at putting words in my mouth. Violation of sexual consent is obviously much greater a violation than this. But violation of romantic consent is still a terrible thing to do to someone.)

You're a lost cause. The woman broke trust and respect immediately. Presumably they agreed to a date and, assuming you are capable of understanding social situations at all, a date on an app like Tinder is heavily implied to have a romantic purpose between two people unless otherwise specified, which this case it obviously was not. The woman who agreed to a date with the common understanding it would be between the two of them was extremely rude and disrespectful by bringing a third person unannounced. I am not arguing for or against any response by the guy, mind you, but you seem to be incapable of understanding what respect and rudeness actually are

Edit: I didn't initially read all of your comment because the first half was mind numbingly stupid, but figured I should give you a chance to maybe make a decent point at the end. Which you didn't, it just got stupider. If her idea of a date is a guy and her friend, that's perfectly fine and acceptable. She should have said so when they were planning the date. It's on her if she couldn't communicate what she wanted properly and so still, even in your scenario, she is firmly in the wrong

It is harm. The guy could have gone out with a friend, or worked on a hobby, or gone to help his parents with something. Maybe he has a part time job and declined to work a shift because he had this date scheduled. I assume he had to spend money to go to the location where they had the date, so he is out gas money/cab fare/public transportation fare. On top of all that, it's humiliating to go into a situation expecting one thing and then getting something else. Sure, he isn't physically harmed, but there is emotional, social, and financial harm.

And again, if someone has shown that they do not respect you, you owe them no courtesy