Trans women are women, period. No ifs, ands, or buts. Anything that tries to if, and, or but is almost always warped, uneducated, and deeply, insidiously bigoted, hateful, and ignorant.
For example, when you take hrt, you are literally changing your biology. There is no "average" that defines, there is no cut and dry in science, gender is a social construct, sex is a social construct, sexuality is a social construct, ethics is defined by morality which is defined by world view which is defined by all kinds of things but most often by people's religions, which is defined by bullshit self serving self protecting self perpetuating irrationality.
My rights to exist as I actually am are not defined by random person x's worldview and their fucked up rhetoric. Might doesn't make right, popular doesn't make right, buzzwords don't make right, cliques don't make right, being mean doesn't make right, billionaires don't make right, religion doesn't make right.
When somebody uses language to box people such as " a transfem" or "person who is socially male" or "biological male" (replace any of these with female) they are using deeply ignorant language. Sometimes trans people use it ironically, such as jokingly calling each other faggots or whatever, and I think that's problematic too in an obviously edgy way. But like other minorities who have been slured and collared by oppressors, using these terms is an expression of frustration over being called them. I think trans people need to stop using them right now because we aren't out of the woods, yet.
But when you hear those terms being used unironically, LISTEN. That's people telling you who they are: bastards, oppressors, ignorant.
Don't "they" a (trans) woman or a (trans) man. You can use gender ambiguous language for if you don't know or if the person is literally gender ambiguous like a nonbinary person. But if that person is expressing THEIR ACTUAL GENDER (not their "identity", because, remember, gender is a social construct and it is not based on whether or not you are sterile, or if you have breasts, what your chromosomes are (nobody fucking knows anyway), if you have a penis or vagina, how tall you are, if you have long hair or not, if you wear dresses, how wide or narrow your hips are, how big your head is, what shape your nose is, how wide or narrow your chin is, if you have facial hair or not, or even how hairy you are. Gender is gender, that's it.)... So if that person is expressing THEIR GENDER, you can start off with that pronoun. If you're unsure, ASK. And if they tell you, LISTEN, because that's what their gender means, that's who they ARE.
If people aren't following these, call them on it. Normal people go "oh, sorry", listen, and move on. Making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, even trans people - hell, the fact that some of us transition later in life IS a mistake. That means that before, we were also skullfucked by society into not knowing or understanding or repressing what really was. We are all learning together.
And if you call somebody on something and you start to smell the bullshit, well... There's a lot of bullshit. There's a lot of the same arguments coming up, time and again, over and over and over. It's awful. I actively hate it and I'm tired of it, which is why I don't speak out about it all the time. People get defensive and closed off, and right now in the world, the prevailing media and news and communication platforms and all of the money flowing to creators is ALL hyper conservative far right fascist racist billionaire money. Far right basically means Nazi. Because it is. Nazi was not alt right, it is just far right. It's what happens when nationalism evolves into believing racism, and frustrations turn into hate turn into ignorance evolves into bigotry, and that NA-ZI becomes the platform of society. Which is where a lot of the world is moving back to. Germans have a really specific definition of what a Nazi is, and take it very seriously, but that leaves them totally blind to the behaviors and traits that lead there. A lot of Germans didn't learn anything except Nazi = crime. But a lot of Germans, even now, are sounding the fucking alarms and panicking.
The vast majority of money and power (like 90%) in the USA is like this. That is a SCARY piece of information to know. And those in power are spreading the fundamental building blocks of their worldview in everything they touch. They don't need to do much more, because they KNOW that as long as people keep fighting civil rights and hurting each other over it, that fight will self-perpetuate, and people will turn to Nazi rhetoric because that's the seed that's planted. Capitalism, race is real, language, ways to think, nationalism, who is right and wrong.
We are not in a culture war.
We are in a Cold World War.
Not against nations. Against ideas of what we all are.
We have been in this war for hundreds, if not thousands of years.
And we are losing.