159
21 July 1989 (thelemmy.club)
submitted 1 month ago by [B] to c/calvinandhobbes@lemmy.world
11 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 21 points 1 month ago (1 child)

I have to wonder at the dichotomy of wanting to share what you like with your children vs wanting the peace and quiet of enjoying something you like without them ruining it either because they don't see beauty in what you find beautiful and peaceful, or because their version of enjoying something clashes with how you enjoy it.

There's a lot of things I wouldn't do as a parent and forcing my kids to wake up at 5 am on a summer trip to go fishing is one of them. Perhaps this is because I understand the value of sleeping in and see how early my kid has to get up every day.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 6 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    Oh for me this is something I will totally do. Because now I value memories that required some kind of sacrifice the most.

    However, I will spend some more time selling them this stuff to get my kids excited.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 2 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    I guess what I mean is, there are things I do with my kid so we can have an experience together (usually things we both enjoy), and also things I do to expose my kid to things I like (we've done this with movies and live shows for instance). But usually only if they show an interest in whatever it is. And certainly not if they are against doing it.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 2 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    But they are also kids. And they do not know if they might enjoy one activity. So some convincing and "forcing" might be in their best interest. You are a parrent you are supposed to make decisions (even if they hate it at first) for them.

    If you made a good call you gave them one awesome experience they will never forget. But if you made a bad call, they will be grumpy for an hour.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago (1 child)

    This sounds like a body autonomy problem to me. "kids don't know so I should force them, so they can decide if they're comfortable with it after having had the experience". That's not something I want for my kid. I don't want to foster the idea that they have to do something just because an adult (even a trusted adult) says so.

    I would much rather offer them the chance to do something and respect their choices. I'm reminded of that viral video where the kid is obviously terrified of a water park ride where you get shot out of a tube, and the parents don't take it seriously/make him go on the ride. That's not what's happening in the comic, but just because we view something as harmless doesn't mean that a kid has that same view. It doesn't have to be scary, it can just be boring or uncomfortable.

    I have found that my kid is way more willing to try things if given the option with the knowledge that his decision has weight.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 2 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    This sounds like a body autonomy problem to me.

    You have to change your kids diaper even if they hate that. You have to put them in bed even if they do not understand that will be good for them. You have to make them interact with other kids even if they are scared at first.

    just because an adult (even a trusted adult) says so.

    I am all in favor doing it gently and explaining and convincing them. This is why my use of force is in quotes. If stuff is less important (like phishing) I would only use convincing and maybe some easy punishment (if you stay at home you have to clean your room). But if something is really important (like changing a diaper) I will use physical force to do it.

    However they do not have to do something just because adult said so. What adult says, should be backed by a good reason that is in kids best interest.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago (1 child)

    There's a difference between doing something for a kids health and safety and forcing them to do things they don't want to do just because you enjoy it and you want them to have the experience. That's a terrible argument. I love broccoli but I have my kid eat broccoli not for the experience but because it's good for him.

    Being able to foster a relationship where I won't force them to do something for the sake of the experience is what I'm saying. Experiences can be good for kids but there are better ways to get them to have them and not damage your relationship with them in the process than to force them.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago

    I think this is maybe not exaclty the same thing but there is a lot of overlap.

    It is healthy for my kid to:

    • go hang out and bond with their father
    • go out of their comfort zone
    • learn patience
    • also do stuff that others like
    • learn to sacrifice
    • give a try to something, even if they think it will not be fun
    • do things for others and not only for themselves.
    • experience new things

    This is healthy social behavior and as a parent you are responsible your kid learns it. If they do not want to learn this stuff on their own, you are responsible for making a gentle push.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent