i - no nononononononono im not!!!! >o< im - im not what u say i am---- im not.

im not im not im not - u dont know - what if im some disgusting chaser? >O< that would be awful!!!! and u wouldnt know-

what if i - force feed babies with fries before they can digest them? that would be awful too!!!!! >O< that would be so maddening!!! and u wouldnt know-

what if im just ugly and - cant really be sympathized with because of that? u wouldnt know.... but i do.

i just - i dont feel pretty. i dont feel like im a "good girl" i - i would only be okay with someone saying that if - ... if.... okay fine, imma say a thing. ive said it some time before but imma repeat myself here.

i see that saying "good girl" almost entirely as a sexual thing... not even as a pet name but essentially as just that... which is unfortunate! it seems like a really way to call someone and the qualifying adjective "good" is - well - positive! and girl is gender-affirming. so it should just feel nice to hear. but when i hear it, i just... i - .... i ,,,, im like "i dont wanna be called that way.... especially when the peeps dont know me personally".

ive recently received a different name by someone. im not gonna say it - cuz it makes me feel things.... not spicily, but... excitingly. so i know what a nice name feels like. and it feels great!!!! i get super excited and am happy and - i feel like someone who is worth liking, someone who is allowed to take up space. someone who is allowed to want things even if i literally don't allow myself to even imagine that.

.... that makes me happy. im happy being called that. i like it. it makes me feel oh so happy. but - "good girl"? no. no, nonono thats not it. that doesnt make me feel good, that makes me feel like - its being asserted onto me.

(and no i wont tell u how that person calls me - thats my name and i get to keep it...... >///< )