teyrnon comments on Dating has gotten so expensive that nearly half of U.S. singles say it’s no longer worth it, as the average night out approaches $200

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 11 points 4 months ago (4 children)

It's really not stuck in the 50s, it's controlled by tech. Some tech lord could step on your ability to get a date on any online dating, which is most of dating now, outside of friends hooking up friends.

We could have a long conversation about how online dating sucks, and has gotten worse as companies maximize revenue and the oligarchy has tightened control of everything.

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[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world -4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (3 children)

No, it's not.

Nobody is controlling online dating. Stop with the conspiracy nonsense.

The issue with online dating is everyone wants the best they can get, but they can't get it, so they ignore realistic options and chase unrealistic ones. And they double down on this after every bad relationship, thinking they need to 'raise the bar', but all they do is price themselves out of the market by having expectations that like only 1% of the dating pool can ever measure up to.

People do this to themselves. Like the article says, their expectations for first dates are too high so they just give up, but what they won't do is 'lower their standards'. They won't accept dates that are less than $200 because they 'know what they are worth', even though very few partners can realistically afford such dates. Not to mention, the bar/cost only gets higher with time. If you expect a $200 first date, you expect a $1000 date a month or two later. So basically the only guys who can afford to date are finance bros or tech bros with massive incomes and wealth.

I had a short term girlfriend a few years ago, who broke up with me because our first 'nice' date was only $300. She expected me to spend $500 and really said if I wanted to impress her I should have spent $1000. This was just a dinner. I made about 90K a year at the time, and she made 70K... she basically expected me to spend 1/4 of my monthly pay on a single dinner..

fast forward 5 years and shit has only gotten worse.

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[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 11 points 4 months ago

Match . com bought almost all of the dating sites. And the rest have consolidated.

If you think that the tech lords didn't set up ways to hurt people they don't like from their perch, or that the government and their connected pals don't have them do that for them too, you are quite mistaken. They did it because they can, it's as simple as that.

You are shown people they decide, you are shown as they decide, by their black box calculations, and their laughably bad matching of people based on their flawed personality tests.

That said, while the tech lords can step on some schmuck surreptitiously, what you describe is far more common. Dinner and a movie and drinks is just so expensive now, it's not even an option for many people. Your costs in your example I consider astronomical, good riddance to her, that personality would leave you for someone richer first chance she found.

Also people just have an idea of what they want and exclude people based on their criteria in a way they wouldn't be so quick to do with people they meet in person, which leads to everyone lying even more, which makes it worse.

These sites aren't geared towards finding mates for life, but for keeping people paying monthly subscriptions indefinitely.

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[–] frostysauce@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (1 child)

Listen, friend, you're sounding a bit unhinged in these comments. You're going on about how all women want masculine men driving pickups and going on $1,000 dates and all... Just because you had a shitty ex a few years back doesn't mean all women are like that.

None of the women in my life are like that. I'm betting you're considerably younger than I am but none of the women I've ever chosen to surround myself with have ever been like that.

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[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world -1 points 4 months ago

No, I'm reporting my experience of dating for 15 years. You can tell me I'm unhinged, but my experience 100% matches the articles. I'm in the trenches.

I'm not armchair dater who scoffs at the reality of the thing because they have no experienced it.

I'm glad you've had that choice. I'm not you. I know people who got married at 22/24, and people who had never had a boyfriend/girlfriend in their 50s. It's almost liek the world is full of different people, with different experiences. And maybe you should listen instead of thinking your life is the only one that is true and everyone else is is doing it wrong if they aren't you.

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