This is my less-ironic stance,

"This is my motte, my bailey is just ironic"

Also see my edit. Sorry for not being clear enough there.

good thing I'm not actually a immam or anyone with actual authority

As Hasan would say, "say it with your fucking chest" instead of hiding behind the specious idea that it's okay to take ridiculous attitudes because you aren't able to command people to follow you. Are you arguing for it or aren't you?