I know that part of the issue is the actual protocol, but you might try alternative matrix servers such as tuwunel for potentially better performance.

Resource usage is a common complaint for Synapse hosters, you might find something like Continuwuity more lightweight

movim is a huge PITA to deploy yourself (especially in a container… you’re basically on your own at the moment)

Yeah, hopefully the dev or the community work on making it easier to deploy in a container at some point.

but it seems like it’s trying to appeal to discord users,

It is! But that focus is somewhat recent. The dev recently started a funding campaign to accelerate development, and just landed channels with rooms last week, so it's still rough around the edges, but the pace that they're implementing this stuff is impressive. They're later going to work on having drop-in voice rooms as well.

I have previously read that omemo 2 implementation is insecure.

It's not insecure. The origin of that myth is this blog, however the creator deleted a response left by one of the OMEMO developers, which explained that the newer versions of OMEMO were essentially open betas, and that when a final stable release is made, only then should the client developers implement a newer version.

The Blog author's response to deleting that comment was:

“I’ll make an edit later about the protocol version thing, but I’m not interested in having questions answered. My entire horse in this race is for evangelists to f** off and leave me alone. That’s it. That’s all I want.”

Which I think shows it was done in bad faith.

You can read a longer response I left in regards to that here, if you're interested.

there is no one flagship app for XMPP that works cross platefrom and has all features implemented.

The Movim client is installable on all platforms as a PWA, which prevents confusion. But if you use other clients, it is true that they have differing feature support.

heck I can’t even find a windows that support voip. and their will be none.

Movim is that client. It supports Group voice/video calls and screensharing w/ audio share (a recent addition, which currently requires a chromium based browser to share the audio). Sure, it's not a native app, but neither is Discord (it's just another Electron app).

We need a federated solution now, otherwise we'll all just hop to another centralized platform with all the pitfalls that brings.

As for Movim, I hate using web apps. bad user experience in general.

As the video mentions, it's worth some inconvenience for the privacy, and currently there is no other federated Discord alternative besides XMPP and Matrix (and matrix has way too many issues to even consider, IMHO).

The community adopting Movim or supporting it with donations and bug reports will help it develop and become more polished, and there are efforts to standardize a common XMPP package platform to make deployment simpler and easier. The entire landscape for Discord alternatives all have their downsides, XMPP is the only current option that could become a long-term, permanent solution.

Agh, you're quite right. Thanks for correction. I crossed my wires and misremembered how it worked after reading this article about it a while back. Edited my previous comment to reflect that.

I suppose in theory that shouldn't be an insurmountable problem, though in Matrix's case it's a big roadblock, as the main Matrix server hosted by Matrix themselves has unfortunately become the defacto main server that most people use, which means not federating with it massively reduces the ability for someone to just be able to seamlessly hop onto your server unless they too are on one of the smaller, less popular servers.

In the example given in the video, it would likely be a bit of a deal breaker if you met someone in an online game somewhere, and then invited them to your self-hosted Matrix server, only to discover they are on the main potentially israeli intelligence-tied Matrix instance, meaning you'd have to explain they need to create an account elsewhere to be able to join your instance. It would be pretty awful UX.

AFAIK; the time sent, size, sender and recipients of messages, and reactions/emojis are shared across all participating servers unencrypted, even on encrypted messages.