I very likely have some type of undiagnosed disorder which I will never really know for sure because I don't have the patience, energy or money to get a diagnosis. There are definitely people out there with similar peculiarities to me who are great at raising kids. I just don't want to take the chance and hope for the best when there is no guarantee that I'll be one of the good ones. I'll rather end up an old lady with a couple of regrets than I want to potentially fuck up someone's childhood.

I get where you're coming from! It IS hard work! I have seen it in the faces and voices of my friends and family for decades haha. But I also see the love and how much these kids bring to their parents' lives. So I totally get what you mean, when you say that your kids don't affect you the same way other people do. To me that just sounds like you're one of the good eggs :D