"if you want to feel like you actually own your PC" is pretty hilarious though.

How is it at all inaccurate? It's been clear for years that various software corporations would prefer you not actually own your hardware (in the sense that you can modify it as you wish and run whatever you want on it). Apple, Google, and Microsoft have all been trying to achieve this (through various secure boot and attestation measures) to better extract profit from either their walled gardens or their SaaS offerings. To them, the ideal computer is one you pay for, but they control. That's not ownership.