this post was submitted on 16 Aug 2023
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I've done so many years worth of manager training in California. One of the big things they drill into your head is you should always tell anybody to report things to HR or their manager, never "well did you first try to hash it out with the person harassing you?"
They said they don't solve interpersonal problems with water cooler gossiping. It's a long confusing sentence so I don't blame you for missing that.
It sounds like you don't have much experience in a white collar workplace.
2 and 3 are pretty standard rumor control parameters. And it is true, no workplace is in the business of solving interpersonal conflict, but what he's speaking to is just lower-level things amounting to just not liking someone, not real problems like abuse or harassment.
Huge, huge difference between “ we understand that it can feel intimidating, but please speak to your manager, HR, or our third party service if you have a problem, as speaking with anyone else about the issue is actually counterproductive.” And “what does it say about the kind of person someone is, that they’d gossip about a coworker?” (Especially with the context that the “gossip” is a report of mistreatment)
He's minimizing it. If it were truly just about low level gossip and 'not liking someone' they wouldn't have this meeting.