Here's my wild theory:

The US has strategic planning. They decide that they need Canada or at least Greenland for security. They formulate a plan to destabilize the world a little near the north....they poke Putin since he has need messing with Ukraine. Meanwhile we choose Cheeto TACO. Well, not us, the electoral college. Cheeto goes bonkers at the complex plan and thinks countries are pussies so they let you grab them when you're famous. Cheeto goes to Greenland directly and explains the very secret need...we need Greenland for security so hand it over please, we'll pay you. As expected by any 3 year old, that fails. So he goes to Canada and fails again because Cheeto is unable to learn. And here we are revealing another section of the very secret plan...we would create a defense system to protect our selves from Putin if things got out of hand.

Had Cheeto not gone revealing secrets Canada may have become our new state and we all would be proud of it....like the Louisiana purchase. In a peaceful way. But Cheeto is... Deficit of thinking.... So he deflated that effort and here we are!

Let's take a look at how Cheeto would have handled the bay of pigs or D day or Hiroshima.... Hello Germany, yes I have exactly 23,000 men armed to the teeth who will attack on dday...a very secret date...if you don't stop your war. Please let them get off their boats, that's kind of a weakness in the design. But right after, we're good for a win!

Someone who can't control simple, yet important secrets for the success of a plan, should not be the president. This is again, all wild theories, I just woke up and I'm staring at the sealing just hoping that today Cheeto did not invade China or kidnapped the Mexican president as a way to make a deal on Sprite. As you know, soda cans keep getting more expensive and smaller!