i've heard it said before from people better at wording it than i am, but seeing this: it's crystalizing for me that people really do see "a trans woman" as "a woman i'm still allowed to abuse". i can call her mannish, i can tell everyone she's making it all up, i can call her hysterical and dramatic, i can freely speculate on her mental state to the approval of my peers, and no matter what she does -- leave loudly, leave quietly, stay and suffer the torment -- it will always be her fault and she will always be doing it wrong