Or, "this was a table when it began the long journey from my house to yours, but it couldn't handle the vibrations of the journey (or didn't appreciate being disassembled so that it wouldn't have to stand up to the vibrations), so I now bequeath you this pile of fine wood (fine as in the pieces of wood used are very small)!"

Though, tbf, that hasn't been my experience with IKEA furniture I've gotten. But it has been with the cheap Canadian Tire furniture I've gotten. Worst part is that it's not even priced lower than the IKEA stuff. So now I'm willing to drive almost 2h to get to the nearest IKEA if I don't feel like paying the even more ridiculous prices for the decent furniture sold at furniture stores.