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For like the third time in the past year I've found someone who was DTF but it fell through because I don't have my own place (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 years ago by to c/chat@hexbear.net
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The rent is too damn high, can't have shit in California

They're gonna bury me with my badge volcel-judge

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[–] 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

thats stupid, no one has their shit together and there's not a checklist of shit you need to check off to be ready for a relationship and/or having sex

The problem with this is if you don't have your shit together people will just skip you and get with someone who does. If you're choosing between two people and only one has a place, why wouldn't you just choose them? This wouldn't be that much of a problem if we still had third spaces where things like personality mattered. Since dating apps are heavily skewed towards one gender/position, those in the minority have tons of choice.

You don't need all of this to hookup or get a relationship, but you do need to convince someone that you're better than the people who do have it together.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I guess I'm presupposing that you might have other qualities that are attractive or that your partner of choice isn't incredibly shallow (the latter might be asking too much i guess).

    Also this is all neoliberal "everything is a market" internalized bullshit. You are not in competition with every other guy/gal on the planet when it comes to love. It's about two (or more) people finding each other (which the lack of third places has of course made more and more difficult, but the apps aren't helping anyone)

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  • [–] 2 points 2 years ago

    I guess I'm presupposing that you might have other qualities that are attractive or that your partner of choice isn't incredibly shallow (the latter might be asking too much i guess).

    It's not shallow to pick a more attractive or financially stable date to meet if you have limited information. We're not talking about moving from a short-term to a long-term relationship, we're talking about the barriers of entry to meeting with someone in a romantic context.

    Also this is all neoliberal "everything is a market" internalized bullshit. You are not in competition with every other guy/gal on the planet when it comes to love.

    I don't like that capitalism has commodified dating to the point that it is a competition with the millions of people around me. Love is not a market but dating and most avenues to meet are markets. When I go to a local furry convention, I can usually hookup with people out of my league. This is because I'm a top in an environment that is compromised of mostly bottoms. But when I go on grindr at my local city, I'm just another guy. Your competition in the environment affects your success. It's not fatalistic, but the macro trends influence how you do in the micro.

    I know it sucks that humans are animals and beholden to our unconscious, but it is reality.

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