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can anyone provide any sources to prove the bs we deal with (beehaw.org)
submitted 3 years ago by to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org
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A friend of mine is arguing with me saying cishet men are oppressed and stuff. He thinks I'm insane for supporting the community I'm a part of

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[–] 11 points 3 years ago (6 children)

agreed. imo cishet men (especially white men) tend to have their problems completely overlooked and invalidated by our community just because they are comparatively privileged, but that’s not right. they absolutely do have problems they have to deal with too, plenty of which are from the patriarchy, and i think that just talking to him about what he’s feeling is totally the best way to go about this.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 years ago (2 children)

    As a white cishet name male, no. We are not oppressed, and the people who insist on victimizing themselves in that way are completely full of shit. It's frankly insulting to actual oppressed groups.

    I think this suggestion that my "problems," are in any way comparable to what LGBTQ+ people, or people of color, go through on a regular basis, is not just insulting, but potentially dangerous.

    Cishet white men don't live a life without issues, that's not my claim. Literally no human does. But we're talking about two very different categories of issue, and what cishet men experience is just what people in general experience. It's the baseline.

    The more acceptable it becomes to equate those things, the harder it becomes to actually do anything about the people experiencing actual oppression.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 years ago (1 child)

    well, i disagree. i’m not trying to claim cishet white men are oppressed, i never said that, and people who do are flat out wrong. i’m just saying that, because of their privilege (which i’m agreeing they obviously do have), their problems with things like mental health are heavily overlooked and dismissed. men suffer from expectations related to toxic masculinity and the patriarchy. sexual assault against men gets laughed at and joked about, it’s not acceptable for men to show emotions or cry, and in this society men need to be strong all the time. even small things like how men should pay for dinner on a date or hold the car door open are unfair expectations placed on men alone.

    i am not trying to say that men have issues comparable to poc or lgbt folks. i’m just saying that what men go through are real problems that need to be validated, not brushed off. being brushed off is exactly what drives men to incel forums- no one else will sympathize with their struggles whatsoever. we need to be better at this.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 years ago

    It's still unreasonable to expect the people who are actively oppressed to cater to him. If you have the energy sure. But otherwise that's another expression of privilege. If cishet men can only sympatise with each other through incel forums maybe they themselves need to be better.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 years ago (2 children)

    I mean they're also the group that features the ringleaders of the worst shit happening.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 years ago

    And I'm sure that comforts them when the mental health crisis gripping them leads to another suicide or more alcoholism or drug abuse. I know when I'm struggling with the weight of everything in dealing with I tell myself "Well, at least white people control the economy and nation." And then all my problems go away and I continue happy knowing I can oppress minorities and women /s

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  • [–] 4 points 3 years ago

    i don’t follow. that doesn’t mean all of them are terrible? i’m sure all the men who feel like they can’t talk to anyone about their problems like sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, and unfair expectations from a patriarchal society are really comforted by the thought that it’s people just like them that cause others unbelievable suffering. that’ll really boost their spirits!

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