this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2023
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After growing my beard out for maybe 5-6 years, trimming it myself and generally keeping it looking “reasonable” I thought I’d treat myself and go get it trimmed by a “professional” first thing before a day full of webex meetings.

Now admittedly it was maybe a bit What year is it?, but it was well taken care of. Wee dude even commented on how it was one of the softest he’d cut.

Then he fucking trimmed it to fuck, into a big sorcerers point while I just sat there aghast. Absolutely scunnered.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You could always reset back to bald:

J/k your post reminded me of this old meme and gave me an excuse to look it up.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Hahaha this is brilliant. You bastard!

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This really calls for a picture, or there's not much to say.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (9 children)

But thenmy big stupid heid is exposed!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That doesn't look disastrous! and you have enough length left to correct the shape to something rounder if that's what you had before

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Thinking I’m just gonna embrace it. Get a nice dark purple robe and a staff and just cut about cursing folk.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Lean into the Wizards sleeve

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

I put on my robe and wizard’s hat

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

But yourself an orb to ponder for good measure.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I realise it's little consolation, but having not seen the before it looks great. I've had a beard for, like 20/30 years and rarely last more than a couple of months before getting annoyed with it, lopping the whole thing off and starting from scratch.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

That’s partly why I decided to go to barbers. Been getting annoyed with my hair and beard for a while and considered just shaving the lot off. At least this experience has put me off that notion for a good while!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i do appreciate the jean luc in the background

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That was a birthday present for my wife, a huge trekkie!

Also before I realised the actual size of A0…..

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

i’ve told my partner he should now know what to get me for christmas…..

and isn’t A0 like literally used for like banner ads and full size movie posters stuff?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

You were great on Eurovision, though.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sorry dude(tte/tther), this is hilarious

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Oh, i ageee. If I didn’t laugh I’d definitely be sobbing!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Cheers! To be fair it is growing on me finally.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Beards dae that

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

You've got pretty much what I want. I've got the length, but it's growing outwards from the chin instead of straight down.

I'm a bit scared to risk getting it trimmed after reading this thread though 😳

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I say no to the goatee. You should, too. Trim that off so you have a straight line bellow the jaw, it will look less messy. I don't know what this barber was thinking.

Also is the combo long hair + long beard a conscious choice? :)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What, you mean you don’t like it?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

It looks really messy to me. As far I am concerned it's either short and nicely trimmed beard with long hair or big beard with short hair. As I am loosing mine, I went with the second option (also I'm a bit fat so I still keep my sideburns very short. A bit like this)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I see what was going for. The goatee area is pronounced and longer. Not what I'd do, but may suit the longer hair or if you are starting a cult. It is a cut that can be fixed however. Either way, if he was doing anything non-standard, he should have discussed it with you.

Picard is clearly not impressed.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago

Tip: find a photo of the look you want and show it to them rather than explaining it.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I had this.

My beard wasn’t particularly long, maybe 2.5-3 inches below my chin (how do you measure a beard?) and mostly trimmed down the sides, but it needed tidying up.

Went to the barbers for a haircut and they asked if I wanted my beard doing also. I said yes, just neaten it up, but keep the length. That guy practically ran number 3 clippers over it and called it a day…

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Ouch!

He said he was gonna just trim the sides and tidy it up. Next thing he was running the trimmers right up my cheek as a solitary tear ran down my cheek.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I've not been to a hairdresser in over 20 years, but occasionally do wonder what it would be like to pop back in just once as a treat.

Yeah, thanks for saving me from myself.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

I crawl so you lot can walk.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I have large moustache (think Nietzsche) and have nightmares about this exact scenario!

If it's any consolation, I saw the after picture and it looks great! Though I can imagine it's probably a shock considering you were so used to the before.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I actually considered just looping everything off but the tash but I shat out it! Gotta have a certain pinaché for a guid tash, and that I lack!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

If you decide you ever wanna get rid of the beard, that's the time to rock the moustache! Having a large moustache is the only time I've ever gotten compliments from strangers, which is always nice though!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

I've never had my beard trimmed at the barber, purely because of all the horror stories I've heard.

Plus if I trim it myself and mess it up, I don't have to pay for the privilege.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I feel this, deeply. I am sorry for your loss.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My better half likes it so could be worse I guess.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

That's good! Not all is lost then!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Maybe he thought you wanted to preserve the length , but you'd probably be better off trimming the chin shorter too. Charisma+1 Wisdom +1 Magic -2.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

All about the Charisma build, that’s what I’m gonna do I reckon.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

When I go in for a trim, I either show them a picture, or I tell them I want to keep is as long as possible while remaining neat and even.

Though I also make sure to stick to the same 2 barbershops

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh man, that must be galling. At least you know it'll grow back eventually. time to look for a new barber?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

First time I’ve been since 2017! I’ve been growing my hair out and my wife just gives me a trim when I feel like it. Won’t be making that mistake again.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

My worst nightmare. I haven't been to the barbers for just over 12 years now (thanks male pattern baldness), and I'm not sure I trust anyone with my beard except myself. If I mess it up at least I'm only mad at me.

Yours looks alright though tbh, I'd maybe just trim the bottom off that goatee bit but maybe wait till after the ZZ Top convention.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Do you have examples of a before and after? Or have you provided it and I'm just clueless? Lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ach, that's a bastard... I've had one about the same length of time and although I've made the odd cock up over the years trimming it myself I've never gone to a barber with it. Don't think I ever will now...

The worst self inflicted beard damage I did was started to trim it without attaching a clip (I use a number 6 on it when I do to get an idea of the contrast) - had a little cut out shelf in my beard until it finally few out

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh Jesus! That’s similar to what my mrs did to her hair not long ago - picked up the actual Scissors instead of those thinning ones and next thing I’m shaving her heid due to a HUGE bald patch lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

The funniest thing was because my hairs been thinning since I was in my 20s I finally started shaving my head as well as my beard during lockdown - my wife said she'd do it for me but all we had were my beard trimmers and she was bottling out in case she messed it up

I said don't worry, just shave everything off, nothing to it, I'll get some proper trimmers later but I look like cadfael like this - there's literally nothing to mess up. But she was like listen I could use imac on it! I said no I don't want to look like a boiled egg just let me do it...

Anyway, instead of buying clippers to do it myself my dad gave me some he bought but hadn't used because he was too worried about using them on himself.

DIY all the way