Why not, just host your own lemmy instance? Then you'd only get defederated if you got banned basically. or if you are looking for one for you and your friends. then you can just federate with the groups you want to federate with

Yeah, that was in place decades ago. Usenet/nntp.

This sounds a little like the AT protocol (or my weak understanding of it). AFAICT on a protocol level your identity and personal data is decoupled from a content aggregator.

On a whim, a moderator could decide to defederate with one of your favorite servers for no reason at all.

Sure, that could happen. Mostly though, it's because your favourite server is some variety of bigot bar and you really want to hang out with bigots.

Every single time people want to have an unmoderated, unchecked space, it's because they — you — want to be able to air your most unsavoury opinions with impunity.

Then come the Nazis, then come the CSAM, the decapitation videos, the harassment and doxxing, and so on until some part of it passes your personal line in the sand for what's acceptable.

Then all of a sudden it's "Wah wah, mommy give me moderation". It's the same for all this freeze peach crap.

i dream of a server system where each person can contribute to a topic as a whole without any intermediary governing force.

lets say i meet up with alice and bertha at lunch. alice bring up the latest one piece chapter and bertha is totally clueless and im super into it and we talk for 30 minutes.

that information is between all three of us, and bertha didnt even care. her fidelity of the story may not be as sharp as alice or mine, but she still syncronized some of the data by proximity in relation and location.

so lets say a server looks at a conversation between us three. but in this case, its one server, built out of the intersection of our 3 servers, and then the separate 3 servers where they dont overlap. the overlap region here would be thr "lunch forum" and a "one piece discussion board" on that "lunch forum". any of us may dc or choose to idle the resources while others do their talking, but could be pinged back in by a new discussion board, say "doctor who" that all three of us like. this is a reason to have a decentralized implicit server built out of 3 very centralized personal servers. then anyome can leave, and any one can join, amd you recreate the data system that is social interaction.

how such a syncronization might work i would guess would put things into a temporary or public port where you offload data into a charitable server contribution, jusy like social interactions demand a certain amount of charitable interaction. and anything in that shared space can be freely copied or shared, unless encrpyted by a signature such as a dialect or inside translation key where people understand one piece is about a treasure and not a single piece swimsuit. this is off the cuff ideas, but im sure the big wigs of networking could make a system a lot more fluid.

but this achieves a federated and defederated network that is federated at the meeting up in a meta server byilt off two or more independent servers agreeing to pool resources and synchronize experiences