Lets assume that genies grant wishes literally, but will twist your words. How do you wish without unintended consequences? Typical rules of no more wishes, no resurrection, no forced love, no altering the past, can't defy logic, can't break physical laws, can't create paradoxes, and can't affect higher powers (this is one tough genie!).

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[–] 26 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)
  • [–] [S] 12 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    The reality is the genie gave you your 3 beer wishes and appreciated the simplicity of the ask so told the bartender to bill genie for the rest of your beers tonight and a cab home. No monkeys paw for those wishes.

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  • [–] 18 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

    oh sure like I would tell you. im hoarding all my genie wish knowledge.

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  • [–] [S] 11 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    I'm using my first damn wish to make you spill the beans on your genie wish strategies!!!

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    ok first wish is for two wishes that I will be happy with the outcome of them both long and short term from my current perspective just before any wish activity goes on and uneffected by retro effects from the wishes and given the knowledge of how exactly those wishes will play out when I make them both short and long term.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 3 weeks ago

    Technically you can't wish for more wishes but even so attempting to give you near omnipotent knowledge that would be required to understand how all wish activity would most likely drive you insane or kill you in a mortal body. as to whether that would make you happy may be a perspective thing when the chance is a lot of pain from going crazy or dropping dead vs the torture of having to sift through that knowledge to use it taking more time then you have to live.

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  • [–] 12 points 3 weeks ago* (9 children)

    When Fox Mulder encountered a genie like that, his wish was delivered in written form. It was a binder with probably more than 1000 pages. Basically, he wished for world peace, but he had to lawyer his way out of all the usual genie BS. If the genie is playing dirty, you have to design the wish like you would design a law.

    Bonus Showerthought: The law is a book series specifically written for assholes.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

    I was just discussing that episode when my son asked me if I pushed a button that killed all assholes on the planet would I push it. I didn't even hesitate in saying yes. He then asked even if it killed me too, and I still said yes.

    This led to whole discussion around this whole concept and the monkey paw theory and I also brought up the episode as well. The ending was the only correct choice to make.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    I wouldn’t press that button. Getting rid of assholes is a temporary fix. The human nature will always produce more in the next generation. Besides, thanos snapping away such a big part of the population will probably result in some sort of societal collapse, famine and disasters.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    yea, seems likely that it would kill 100% of humanity.

    Babies are fucking assholes. they might not know better, but they are assholes.

    My toddler? often an asshole, does things just to see what happens.

    Teens? totaly assholes Adults: have you met them?

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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago

    Yeah, if you use the broadest possible definition, then pretty much everyone would be gone. Even if you restrict it to only adults who are aware of what they are doing and still choose to be an asshole fairly often, you would be removing a huge part of the population. Sounds like a pretty bad move to me.

    That sort of thing might come close to nuking the entire species back to the stone age. Then again, that would be good for the environment in the long run. It could take like 20 000 years for the human species to fully recover from that one button press. I think I'm beginning to see some benefits... nah. Still a bad idea.

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    [–] 10 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

    I would use my first wish to secure the outcome of the other two. Something like "Dear Genie, I wish for my next two wishes to be granted in a way that respects the intent I have for those wishes". Then I would wish for everyone to have empathy and humility so that we can start all pulling together as a species instead of apart. For my last one I would wish that any limb that is used to hurt a child rots away and falls off. That's just a personal one for me because I've never understood adults hurting children deliberately.

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    [–] 9 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)
    • I win $50M USD after tax in the lotto, in a way that lets me claim it anonymously and live inconspicuously. I’ll keep my job & benefits package, though.
    • I have notably better physical & mental health now through the natural end of my life.
    • I have notably better emotional intelligence now through the natural end of my life.
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    [–] 8 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

    I wish for a contract lawyer with genie experience who can write my other two wishes in a way that can't be twisted. (But with more words needed to get that first wish right!)

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    [–] 7 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    First wish: the genie will be my eternal friend.

    Second wish: free the genie from the geas β€” make the genie its own master.

    There is no third wish.

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    First wish genie is an eternal friend but more like distant friend that would talk to you as a friend or give you a hand with moving but no more. then same as https://lemmy.ca/post/69470791/24857447 but maybe you get slightly nicer conditions?

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  • [–] 8 points 3 weeks ago

    The first is because of the Arabian Nights story where the guy frees the genie and the first thing it does is kill the wisher. There’s another where the first thing it does is puts the wisher in the bottle it was trapped in.

    So β€œdistant friend” is enough.

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  • [–] 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)
  • [–] 6 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

    I wish the genie can read my mind

    I wish that the genie completely understand my thoughts and intentions

    I wish that the genie is forced to only be able to grant me exactly what I'm thinking of, with no room for misinterpretation

    Easy

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  • [–] [S] 8 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    Genie graciously grants all 3 wishes but now you're out of wishes. The genie does appreciate being able to snoop on your thoughts though!

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  • [–] 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    I wish for the genie to, as far as their power allows, to minimize all suffering across all beings that can suffer across all time, and keeping that at a minimum, to maximize pleasure across all beings that can feel pleasure across all time

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 3 weeks ago

    The magnitude of this wish is beyond what the genie can pull off, best genie can do is free health/spa coupons. The genie sees what you were trying to do though and won't monkey's paw this one

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  • [–] 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 child)

    I would give my wishes to the genie.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

    i've given (too much) thought into the wishes:

    1. I wish all public officials, both elected, appointed, or otherwise, work to maximize the well-being of the people they represent, and the world as a whole.

    2. I wish to invent practical, sustainable, achievable FTL propulsion, and live to share the knowledge to parties who can and will implement it.

    3. If there is no positive life after death, I wish there was, retroactively, and it was roughly inline with the form of the Good Place at the series end.

    WIshes arn't perfectly bulletproof, but are robust enough i think it would be hard to twist.

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    [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago (12 children)

    Replace the blood of every person that's SA'd someone with molten sodium chloride.

    Drop a 6 foot by 2 inch tungsten rod from orbit onto anyone that's committed a warcrime, nailing them to the floor where they will be left as an example for everyone else.

    Publically release complete documentation showing every country's actions that have been directly antagonistic to their own people (I'm talking EVERYTHING. Not just 'the files' but every action where a country has demonstrably done something that serves only the interests of the few at the cost of the people.)

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

    The Genie thinks you haven't really thought this through, replacing blood with molten salt isn't physically possible and asking for mini rods from god to be launched from orbit at earth leaves it open to the genie how many and how much force to use. the Genie thinks you either don't respect the monkeys paw his powers or maybe that you want us all dead anyway :(

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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

    I mean, replacing blood with molten salt is entirely possible, it'll merely boil off most things it comes into contact with, which was the intent.

    The genie is more than welcome to pick how many and at what velocity they hit their targets

    I fully respect the genie's powers, and that they'd monkey's paw it, I was leaving that part up to them, and being VERY literal with my wishes to make sure the end result was at least in the same ballpark of the wish.

    Wasn't that the point of the post? Get the best result out of a genie that's got hard limits on their wish giving powers?

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    [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    I wish that I would feel content with my life regardless of the circumstances I may find myself in.

    I wish that the world is fair and just.

    I wish that I had all the knowledge humans have ever known and could access that information easily and quickly without external assistance.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 3 weeks ago

    Genie explains that due to the laws of physics the rules covering not changing the past and general human psychology everything being fair and just is impossible due to scarcity and previous injustices, tones down your overall intelligence level enough to make you generally lack the sense of loss or wanting to make you generally content, then puts you in a room with access to a terminal that could give you info but you're generally too content to do anything/interact with it. The genie appreciates what you were trying to do though so it makes sure you still live an otherwise normal life.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago
    [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
    1. Excluding myself, everyone's knowledge of the sun rising in the east and setting in the west is inverted, as are any references, depictions, or allusions to the direction in which the sun rises, while the cardinal directions and the orientation and rotation of the Earth relative to the Sun remain unchanged, such that everyone other than myself expects the Sun to rise in the west and set in the east, while it will continue to rise in the east and set in the west as it does now.
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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    I wish karma was real and had immediate repercussions.

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    [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    I'd wish for the ability to teleport anywhere I have already been. (I figure with quantum entanglement, the genie could grant this, our scientific knowledge isn't there yet.) I'd wish that at the end of each day my checking account fill back up to a balance of $5000. I'd wish for a refrigerator that appeared whatever food I wanted to eat.

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