Where's the hampter for no cream? Even the one on the far end clearly has a non-negligible amount of cream

The only acceptable way to drink your guinea pig:

All of these look more like "how much coffee would you like in your milk?" tho

I used to tell people I wanted my coffee roughly the color of the outside of a plain bagel. It worked very well.

I drink it differently now so that wouldn’t work, but I haven't been in a situation where I wasn't amending my own coffee for decades, other than getting lattes, so it hardly matters. I do usually have to ask for more creamer, however, unless they give me a little vessel.