I'm slowly learning to be less hard on myself about it. My friends tell me I sabotage myself by trying too hard due to some not great beliefs about myself (that each "failure" in dating then serves to reinforce) so I'm trying to take their advice, scale that back, and just focus on making new friends for now. I'll have to see how it goes for my mental health and I'm turn ability to not self sabotage over time but it feels like a better approach than my previous obsessively browsing 5 different apps for hours a day desperate for a match at least