with either DWL, Hyprland, or possibly Sway,

Do these things allow me to define functions and to call them on focus change, on windowshade, on iconification, on other events? Can I evaluate text returned by a command spawned in those as part of my config, at any moment? Can these functions differentiate between windows by mask? By state? BTW, can I have custom states? Can I have conditionals there? Schedule those functions? Change that schedule?

Just the same way you’d convert those same configs to an i3 & DWM equivalent.

I wouldn't. These are different things for a different workflow.

All the features are there

Where there?

I know you are not an adult.