creepy

'magic' as dnd style wizards casting fireballs, no.

'magic' as rejection of the utility of science/physical evidence about the world, no.

'magic' as goth egirl self-help desire manifestation, no.

'magic' as the semiotic interpretation of the physical/literal, or the exploration of the interconnectedness and the more mysterious properties of mind and matter and meaning itself, yes.

i choose to believe in something like an immortal soul because this life is unendurable to me if it is the only one, i do not want to have been this person that i am trapped in. if i am incorrect it will not matter to my corpse's lack of consciousness, and believing it assuages mortal terror and gives me the possibility that my life means something. i could be here to learn some kind of lesson, or to do something important, whereas under the purest physicalism i am just a meaningless flesh robot twitching along to instinct and predetermined, flawed information processing. under physicalism there is no room for meaning outside of the ephemeral and temporary jolts and spasms of idiot meat computers. we could achieve communism and it wouldn't matter because its just meat with sticks inside of it moving around on a ball of dirt, our existence is as meaningless as our nonexistence would be. when the sun absorbs us or the universe undergoes heat death it will be as if none of it happened. even spreading to the stars would be no more meaningful than mold spreading to another loaf of bread, just an unthinking pulsating mass blooming and retracting and living and dying for equally lifeless unthinking reasons/forces. an azathothian nightmare. i cannot justify my own continued existence under such a worldview, if i were to somehow find out that pure physicalism was unquestionably correct i would immediately self terminate.