We are fairly evolved and plenty of people don't have kids, it's not a material necessity, as in, you don't risk to die if you don't. You do if you don't eat and don't have a shelter, and to get those, you need a job or to commit crimes. This is all besides the point, the point is that nobody in the society acts like that because it is simply impossible living like that. It doesn't matter if it's buying a house, renting or occupying one. The moment you, from a "privileged" category get a roof on your head, you contributed to raise the overall estate prices, reduce the available apartments for rent etc. The only choice you have is to stay homeless, if you really don't want to affect anybody (obviously, I am bringing it to the extreme to make a point). Generally people don't act like this, you don't keep your house in shitty condition to keep the value of the building low so that others can move in, and expecting this kind of "ethical consumerism" from victims of a system is - in my opinion - in itself oppressive.

Now, coming to the rest, you say that you are just talking about the fair. But your logic is broader than that, it is about not cutting the line, not taking someone else's job. Then what I am saying is that whatever job I take, as a white male, I am going to reinforce the unbalance already present between man and women. As such, I am contributing to the problem, whereas if I don't take a job, that can potentially go to a woman, therefore contributing to solve the problem. Obviously this is extreme but the logic is the same. If your logic only applies to this particular fair, then fine, this means that tomorrow, in any other place, I shouldn't give a damn about who else I am contending the job with? This to me feels simply strange and inconsequential, either I act based on the moral principle, which is not confined to the fair, or I don't. But maybe you see it differently.

Either way, I am going off for the day, so I will wrap it here. I think we simply have different sensibilities in finding that balance that you mentioned, which might derive from different cultural backgrounds and personal histories. I do not see a point of convergence.