That's funny. I'm a tax accountant. Until now I would've guessed my industry had some of the most malignant socially incompetent people but I'm clearly wrong. And come to think of it, even the worst most closed off unapproachable people I've ever worked with have always been excited to talk about their work, like it's the one thing they're comfortable going on about. I'm not asking for a beer at tchotchkes (I too maintain space from colleagues because of the conflict of interest with work in between).

Again, stay the fuck at home, I've never encountered such toxic loathing for any kind of human interaction before, I wouldn't want you in the office with that kind of attitude. Congrats, Dobby is free, you never have to wear pants or look presentable again.