You don’t even know what you’re talking about. You want a provider (i.e., hosted) who gives it to you for free, uses “audited” code, but uses only FOSS (so audit it your damn self), which is lightweight on memory (why would you care if you’re not hosting it?).

In what magical fantasy land would someone just give this to you? Shit costs money to run and develop. Your entitlement is laughable. If you don’t like what’s out there, make it your damn self and host it and give it away for free to everybody and see how long you can/want to do that.