Did you get past the headline? It's a question, and the article does look outside America. It goes through North Korea, China and Russia and says they're worse once you're inside, in every way that matters, and it covers all five Five Eyes countries, not just the US. Syria isn't in it. What it asks is what happens before you even get there, and none of those countries want five years of your social media or your family's details first. For an Onion article, iI went a bit overboard on the sources which i dont think is bad thing and if its an onion all the layers are peeled!